


holy hands (they make me a sinner)

by R_chimchim



Category: SHINee, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: 15k word vomit, 2min - Freeform, Alternate Universe - High School, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Coming of Age, Daegu, Domestic Violence, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Light Smut, Like really slow, M/M, Slow Build, Smut, church, churchboy!jimin, it's only underage for a very little while, jeongcheol - Freeform, jeongguk just disappears halfway through idek, jimin and taemin make it against the odds, pastor, rebel!taemin, taegi - Freeform, the side ships are barely there but they are, you'll see the other ships if you squint hard enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-26 22:17:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12068058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_chimchim/pseuds/R_chimchim
Summary: “why are you still here, hyung?”“i have my reasons.”“will you tell me your reasons?”“will you tell me yours?”•     •     •     •     •     •     •    •in which jimin is the pastor's kid, and taemin was too wrong that he was just right





	holy hands (they make me a sinner)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [S_taetae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/S_taetae/gifts).



> This work was inspired by [this tweet](https://twitter.com/busandicc/status/893547354896424960), a prompt by [@busandicc](https://twitter.com/busandicc) on Twitter!! I took her tweet and directly quoted it in there!  
> • Credits of the plot go fully to [@S_taetae](http://archiveofourown.org/users/S_taetae/pseuds/S_taetae)! She saw the tweet first, asked the person who tweeted it for permission, and texted me about it with the awesomest idea ever. I've been working on it for a while now, and she's been there, supporting me, helping me, and nagging on me to stop procrastinating and finish it, so obviously, it's gifted to her. Love you, my fucking cinnamon apple.  
> • title from [River](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5jz8xdpR0M) by Bishop Briggs  
> • heavily inspired by [Serendipity](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEMaH9Sm3lQ) by BTS' Jimin and [Dusk till Dawn](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt2k8PGm-TI) by Zayn ft. Sia  
> • the lowercase formatting was intentional. I was looking for an aesthetic and I wanted to try this one, so I hope it's not too annoying.  
> Warning:  
> • Controversial topics!  
> • No disrespect is meant or intended for any religion, religious figure, deity, or belief. This is a work of fiction, and the beliefs in it (from both sides) do not reflect my beliefs as a writer or a person. Please keep that in mind while reading. If you feel offended and/or attacked in any way, 1) that was not my intention, and 2) you can stop reading. Thank you!

i.

he was shy the first time jimin saw him.

jimin was eight at the time; the son of a pastor in a village located in the southern gyeongsang province- nice, behaved, _angelic._ they owned a church that was the destination of every believer on sunday mornings, adorned with stained-glass windows and wooden pews. from what jimin remembered, it always used to smell like pine and wood bark (as opposed to the moldy stench that clung to its walls now).

jimin saw the black-haired boy on the third sunday of december. it was one week before christmas, and the new family was visiting the church for the very first time. jimin stood behind his parents as they greeted the family after the service.

“lee yujin,” the older man had said, one of his hands holding the black-haired boy’s and his other shaking jimin’s father’s hand in a firm grip. “this is my wife jiwoo, and my son, taemin.”

jimin had both his hands behind his back as his father pulled him from behind his mother and introduced him to the man and his family. like the good little kid he was, jimin bowed almost to a 90 degrees before he put on his most polite smile. the other boy was hesitant to move forward, but when he did, he let out a grumble of a greeting before he shied back behind his father.

“taemin is going to be nine soon. he’s going to help his old man in the fields when the weather gets warmer. they said it’s going to be a good year this year,” mr. lee said. “hopefully, we’ll be able to feed enough mouths.”

“that’s very kind of you, mr. lee. maybe taemin could join the church choir. jimin is about his age, it would be nice for them to get to know each other under the watchful eye of jesus christ.” pastor park beamed, and mr. lee laughed, agreeing.

jimin did not see taemin after that altercation for a few weeks. when the new year came, with it came nothing but the cold. the streets were filled with snow so thick that schools closed for a week. jimin stayed at home, cooped up with a book, sometimes the bible when his father yelled at him to do so, next to the fireplace. when school started again a week later, jimin woke up to an empty house like usual. he walked alone to the bus stop, a few streets away from his house. on his way there, however, he passed by the green house on the corner, next to the field, the house that had been empty for so long, and he heard voices coming from inside. he decided to ignore them, however, because that’s how he was raised; people’s business is none of yours. so he continued walking, ignoring how the front door of the house opened, and out stumbled taemin, worn-out shoes hitting the pavement in heavy thuds as he ran past him down the street.

when jimin got to the bus stop, taemin was already there, on the opposite side of the road, hands on his knees as he panted. so they sat there, on opposite sides of the road, waiting for the school busses that picked them up and drove off in different directions. jimin went to a private school right outside town, unlike a lot of the other kids in his village who attended the small public school. he didn’t like his school. it was strict, and all the kids who went there came from wealthy families and they treated him differently because he was smaller than most kids his age, but he had no choice in the matter. what park daehee says, goes, after all, and his father pulled so many strings to get his boy into that school. so jimin accepted his fate, and waited for the white school bus every day, alone. his parents always left early to their church, leaving jimin, even at the age of 8 years to get dressed and walk to the bus stop alone. jimin was lonely at home and at school, save for his one friend, jeongguk, whom he sees twice a week in bible class. but without jeongguk, jimin had no one, so he took the neighborhood’s cats as his companions. there’s one cat in particular which jimin loved, a black feline with green eyes. it was merely a kitten back then, and jimin decided to name it and take it as his friend. he named it voodoo, simply because it was black, and he made it his every day mission to sneak it some snacks.

on days when voodoo came out to play with jimin in the morning as he waited for his bus, jimin forwent staring at taemin. he didn’t mean to do it before, but taemin was always standing there, looking too bored and mature for a 9-year-old, and jimin was lonely and curious.

taemin did end up joining the church choir. practice was held every saturday at 4 in the park’s church. jimin stood in the front row, because he was small, and the pastor’s son. taemin, however, opted to being in the back, even though the choir instructor wanted him to be in the front because of his sweet voice. they never got the chance to speak, not even once, but their voices did clash once or twice, when they were singing a hymn and both got to sing the same part. other than that, though, they were complete strangers.

ii.

when jimin was 12, taemin was 13.

choir practice was still once a week, and both boys sang hymns at sunday services every other week, but their interactions were nothing more than shy hellos and small bows. they looked at each other weirdly, like they wanted to speak but decided not to. it made jimin sad, because he was still lonely, and taemin still ran out of his house at exactly 7:32am, sporting new blue marks on his arms, running as fast as he could to catch the bus.

they still waited for their busses at opposite sides of the road, and they still didn’t speak. sometimes, when they both arrived within close times from school, jimin would see taemin and his friends running down the streets, laughing and kicking rocks, sometimes throwing around a half-deflated basketball. jimin wished he could join them, but he knew that he was too shy to ask, and they would most probably laugh it off and ignore him.

one day, when jimin was taking his usual walk from the bus stop back home, taemin was not playing with his friends, instead, loud noises were coming from the lee household. by upbringing, jimin was not supposed to stick his nose in other people’s problems, but by nature, jimin was a curious kid, so after a little internal fight, jimin took a left from the main road, and walked closer to the lee premises.

“what were you doing? huh? playing with rocks while i worked in the field alone? it’s enough that i am sending you to school, you ungrateful brat.” an angry mr. lee was yelling, and jimin could hear the distinctive sound of slapping. he peered his head over the fence, and noticed mr. lee with one of his hands grabbing taemin’s arm with a harshness that jimin could feel even by looking at it. the black-haired boy’s cheek was an angry shade of red, and his tears were running freely. jimin’s heart plummeted, so he quickly shuffled away from the house and ran back home, taking a detour to the church. once he entered, his mom and dad were conversing lightly with an old woman.

“abeoji! abeoji!” jimin yelled as he ran towards his father and tugged at his sleeve to get his attention.

“jimin, i’m busy. go home.” his father warned, pulling his arm away from his son’s grip.

“but, abeoji…” jimin tried again, but this time, the old lady was the one to scold him.

“can’t you see that your father is speaking to me? impolite kid.”

jimin’s eyes widened at those words, and that night, his father scolded his bad manners and grounded him for a week (as if jimin went anywhere anyway).

“what was so important that you had to tell me?” pastor park finally asked, and jimin remembered why he was such in a hurry.

“you know that i pass by the lee fields on my way to the bus stop, right? so today, when i was walking back home, i accidentally saw mr. lee hitting his son! abeoji, he slapped him on the face and grabbed him by the arm!” jimin said, voice concerned.

pastor park sighed and clicked his tongue. “what did i tell you about meddling in people’s business? what happens in their home is none of your business, jimin.”

“but, abeoji, you’re the pastor, you should tell him not to do such bad things!” jimin argued.

“this is how he chose to raise his son, it is none of my business, and it is not wrong. stay out of it, or else your punishment is going to be worse.” his father’s voice was not sweet as it usually is when he preaches love and respect on sunday services, so jimin clamped his mouth shut, apologized to his father with a bow, then went to his room quietly.

from that day forward, jimin started noticing all the little bruises on taemin, even from a distance. like his fainting black eye that he saw one saturday in choir, or the limp he had when he walked to the bus stop. jimin wanted to help- he wanted his father to help, but he knew that there was nothing he could do. he’s only 12 after all.

-

jimin’s father took him with him to the lee fields once. he wanted to invite the lee family for the annual dinner held at the church for easter, and jimin was forced to tag along. he stood behind his father as he conversed with mr. lee, and although jimin was distracted by the few goats running around (to keep himself from glaring at mr. lee or saying something rude), he still managed to catch some of the conversation.

“taemin is attending the 7pm bible class, with minister kim. he seems to like it enough to keep going back without much nagging. it’s good for him, so he could keep his head on straight.” mr. lee had said, and pastor park laughed because that was exactly why he keeps sending jimin to bible class. the younger, however, attended the 4pm class with sister jung- and he hated every second of it. he was stuck with the smaller kids, but his father wouldn’t allow him to switch to the 7pm class.

it was a few days later, when jimin’s after-school nap lasted longer than usual, ~~accidentally of course~~ , and jimin missed bible class, that he was able to convince his father to allow him to attend the 7pm class instead.

“just for today, abeoji,” he said. “i don’t want to miss a class.”

at 6:57pm, jimin walked into bible class and all heads turned to look at the new face.

“hey, it’s the pastor’s kid.” a boy who jimin recognized as one of taemin’s friends snickered, earning a jab in the ribs from taemin himself.

“kibum, sit down. class is starting.” taemin said, pulling his friend down next to him on the double desk. jimin found a seat in the front of the class, and he quietly sat there.

“it’s hyung to you, brat.” kibum flicked taemin on the forehead but sat down anyway. jimin giggled.

class was great. not the actual class, no- jimin could care less about learning the bible for the 54th time in his life, but the people in class. kibum, for instance, was the funniest 13-year-old jimin has had the privilege of being in the presence of.  the one-hour class was spent in laughs and giggles- and minister kim was nice enough to make the class seem a little less mandatory and overbearing.

jimin, by some godly miracle, talked his father into allowing him to switch classes.

“i’m old enough, abeoji. minister kim teaches better than sister jung.”

pastor park said yes; of course, it was after a lot of effort from jimin’s side, but it’s the result that mattered, anyway.

iii.

when jimin was 13, taemin was 14.

bible classes had stopped for a while because of unforeseen complications in minister kim’s health- at least that’s what jimin’s father says. jimin, however, knew that it was something else entirely, but as usual, he stayed out of it.

on the 2nd week after jimin’s 13th birthday, classes started again, and jimin, for reasons unknown, was very excited. when he walked into class 5 minutes late because he was too distracted playing with voodoo to notice the time, all desks were occupied, except one seat only. right next to taemin.

jimin was confused, because the seat next to taemin was always, _always,_ reserved for kibum. hesitantly, jimin walked towards the desk, and noticed how taemin moved his stuff for him to sit down.

it was nerve wracking, sitting next to taemin, because although jimin was used to his face, his presence was still overbearing. in the few years that jimin had known of taemin’s existence, the latter grew different from everyone else. the first thing that threw jimin off, was the fact that taemin dyed his hair a very prominent shade of blonde. he earned a black eye for it a day later, but he was smug and happy about how bright his head looked compared to all the other boring browns and blacks. little behaviors like that made taemin a little different from all the other kids around them, and jimin was enticed. they did not interact all through class, save for the shy side-eye glances they gave each other.

for the weeks that followed, jimin’s seat was always next to taemin on the double-seater desk. some days, jimin would catch taemin sneaking snacks into his mouth in a hushed and rushed manner, careful that minister kim doesn’t see him. other days, taemin would slide a folded piece of paper towards him, and on it, in a small, neat handwriting, would be small messages from taemin. the first note (jimin still had it in his drawer, but that’s not something he would tell anyone) asked jimin if he wanted a bite of peanut butter and jam. jimin frowned at it, but discreetly stole a glance at taemin to see that he had strawberry jam all over the side of his mouth.

in his fist, jimin giggled, then he scribbled a fast “no, thanks” before sliding the note back to the older boy. he did, however, reach into his backpack, grab a tissue paper, and hand it over to taemin, pointing at the side of his mouth with a smile. taemin’s ears turned red from embarrassment but he took the tissue from jimin’s hand and bowed his head in thanks.

their interactions went on like that, small scribbled notes and shy smiles in bible studies. jimin’s favorite interaction, however, was one day in mid december when it was so cold that his hands were frozen even in his jacket pockets. taemin had reached into his own pocket, pulled out a heating pad, and stuck it in jimin’s pocket instead. jimin’s eyes widened, but then taemin slid him a note that asked what flavor of candy he preferred. jimin remembered back to the strawberry jam incident, and without giving it much thought, he wrote “strawberry” before taemin smiled, pulled a candy from his pocket and presented it to the younger with glee.

jimin got scolded for eating in class that day, but he wasn’t too bothered about it.

iv.

when jimin was 16, taemin was 17.

both boys were fairly good friends, if jimin would say. taemin insisted that jimin called him hyung, so that was one step forward in their relationship. they still went to choir on saturdays, still sang at services on sundays, and still sat next to each other in bible studies every other day. they talked more, on their way to and from the bus station, after class when they calmly walked home and taemin returned the next day with fresh bruises because he was yet again late to come home. jimin tried to ask about it once, but taemin changed the subject and the discussion stopped there.

somewhere along the way, taemin picked up the habit of smoking. it added to the whole “mysterious boy” aesthetic taemin was aiming for, but jimin didn’t see the point of it. it was an ugly habit, and he hid it pretty well from everyone who might let his parents know, but jimin was always at a close proximity to him, so he noticed.

(“it will kill you faster.”

“good.”

“hyung.”

“i’m joking, jimin. gosh, lighten up and stop worrying so much. now that would kill you faster.”)

they texted every day. it was a habit of theirs, and they grew accustomed to it; taemin was slowly but surely making himself a fixture in jimin’s life. at school, jimin would spend time with jeongguk, but he would be secretly texting taemin from under the desk or the lunch table. jeongguk caught him once, smiling at his phone, and he asked who the girl he’s texting is and jimin said that it was just a friend.

one day, late march, when spring was just starting and jimin’s allergies were keeping him bed-ridden for days on end, taemin came to visit.

it surprised jimin, really, to see the then red-headed boy smiling brightly at him when he opened the door.

“what’re you doing here?” he had asked him and the older boy just smiled more.

“i’m here to check on my favorite dongsaeng.”

“what about your parents? won’t they get mad that you’re late to go home?” jimin questioned and taemin only shrugged, walking past jimin into the house.

that day, they both sprawled on jimin’s bedroom floor, flipping through the mangas that taemin snuck in his backpack, careful not to be caught by either of their parents. in one of the graphic novels that jimin happened to be reading, there was a homosexual couple. two boys, in particular, and when jimin saw them, he let out a small gasp, his ears turning red as his flustered state worsened.

at that, taemin peered from over his friend’s shoulder to see at what made him give that reaction, and when he saw it, he let out a chuckle then said, “cute.”

jimin stared at him like he grew two heads, but taemin only bit his lip and he turned back to the novel in his hands.

jimin returned to that same page, the one in which the two boys kissed, more than 10 times in the span of a couple of days after that afternoon with taemin. he stared at the pictures until his embarrassment turned into pure curiosity. somewhere in the back of his head, his father’s preaches about that sin played back to him, but he ignored them, switching between reading the manga and texting taemin.

jimin was confused as to why when he looked at the two drawn boys in his novel, he saw taemin and someone who looked an awful lot like him stare back at him.

it was a week later that jimin noticed the cold, hard truth.

“so who are you asking to the dance?” jeongguk asked, sitting cross-legged in front of jimin on the april grass during lunch.

“i don’t think i want to go.” jimin answered, and jeongguk gasped.

“jimin,” he said. “this is the dance that determines who’s gonna be your girlfriend all through senior year.”

jimin frowned at his friend. he didn’t want a girlfriend. so he told jeongguk just that.

“what about the girl you keep texting?” jeongguk asked and jimin said that he didn’t like her- “her” being taemin, but jeongguk didn’t have to know.

“of course you do, jimin. you keep smiling at your phone and you’ve been happier ever since you started this.” jeongguk ticked his tongue as he looked at jimin like he was stupid.

“i don’t-” jimin tried but jeongguk stopped him.

“do you like talking to her all the time?” he asked, and jimin bit his lip as he nodded slowly.

“do you get excited when you see her name on your phone?”

another nod.

“do you make time to talk to her?”

another nod.

“do you look forward to seeing her?”

“yes, but-”

“does your heart beat faster around her? do your palms get sweaty? do you blush? do you love looking at her face? does she make you laugh? do you feel like you can spend the rest of your life just talking to her?” jeongguk threw question after question, and jimin’s face turned so pale. he stayed silent.

the answer was yes to all of the questions.

“if you answered all those questions with yes, then you like her, jimjam.” jeongguk laughed, poking his friend in his cheek.

jimin felt like crying. it wasn’t that he was weak, but he did answer yes to all the questions, and the problem was that the person involved was not a her or a she, it was a him, a he; it was taemin, for god’s sake!

“i- uh, i have to go. i forgot i had something to do.” jimin hurriedly said, rising up to his feet and jogging away from his friend who yelled to him about class starting in 5 minutes. jimin didn’t go back to class, instead, he went for a very long walk, almost walking out of town, then he walked back home, and sat on the curb until his parents came home at 8pm and his father scolded him for missing school and bible class.

he was grounded for two weeks and his father took away his phone. jimin didn’t fight him over it. instead, he stayed in his room, crying, thinking, overthinking, and crying even more.

he liked taemin.

he liked a boy.

he was…

but how? how could he? it’s a sin. it’s against nature. the church condemns it. he can’t be gay. his father is the pastor! his family has a church! he sings in the choir and goes to bible studies every week, but yet…

why did his heart hurt a little whenever taemin smiled at him?

why was he the happiest while talking to taemin?

why was taemin all that he thought about?

the realization struck jimin and left his head in a state of complete chaos for the next week. he faked being sick so he could miss bible class the first week, he went to sister jung’s class the week after. he came in late to choir and was the first to leave, and even when his father gave him his phone back when the two weeks punishment was over, jimin shoved it in his drawer and kept it off.

_if i ignore it, it will go away._

_if i stay away from him, those feelings will stop._

_it’s just a phase._

-

a month later, taemin graduated high school. the public school had a grand graduation party that jimin’s parents went to, but he was able to skip.

that night jimin turned on his phone, and in came flooding a hundred messages from taemin, starting with confusion, borderlining concern, and eventually turning into full-blown worry over jimin’s absence.

_“is everything okay?”_

_“why did you miss class?”_

_“i heard you withdrew from bible class and enrolled in the other one???”_

_“i miss you.”_

_“jimin?”_

_“did i do something wrong?”_

_“why are you ignoring me?”_

_“it’s boring without you. i have no one.”_

_“are you dead?”_

_“please don’t be dead.”_

_“look, i’ll get out of your hair if you at least explain to me.”_

_“jimin.”_

tens and tens of other messages like those filled jimin’s phone, but with a breaking heart, he replied to none.

he cried himself to sleep that night, guilt and self-pity consuming him as he buried his head under his pillow and wished he would not wake up.

-

“be ready at 8, jimin. we’re going to the fair.” jimin’s mom came into his room one late, july afternoon while he was flopped on his belly, texting jeongguk nonsense.

“but, eomma, why should i go?” jimin sighed, and his mom gave him a glare.

“because your abeoji said so.” and that was the last she said before she closed the door.

at 7:50, jimin was ready and waiting for his parents by the car. the drive to the fair took around 20 minutes; it was held at a village next to theirs, where people from the all around the district came to sell goods and have a good time.

for the first 15 minutes in the fair, jimin solemnly walked behind his parents as they stopped to greet everyone; he was grumbling about the heat as his father threw him warning glares.

“ah, mr. lee!” jimin heard his father say in glee, and when he looked up, he came face to face with the lee family.

he was turning on his feet to run away, but it was too late- taemin’s eyes were already fixated on him.

“pastor! how nice it is to see you here!” mr. lee said, shaking the pastor’s hand.

“i see you have a tent.” jimin’s father spoke up, walking closer to the tent with jimin’s mom in tow, forcing jimin to follow. he kept his eyes trained on everything to avoid looking at the one person he really wanted to stay away from.

“yes, we have some homemade jams and jellies on display. strawberry.” mr. lee explained, and jimin cursed under his breath.

of course. strawberry jam.

“taemin, look how grown up you look! still opting for ridiculous hair colors, i see.” pastor park said, and jimin’s eyes snapped to focus on taemin. he had a head full of ridiculously pink hair. it was baby pink, and it reminded jimin of cotton candy.

he couldn’t decide if he hates it or loves it.

jimin must’ve zoned out, because the next thing he knows, his mother was nudging his arm.

“jimin, did you hear me?”

“what? no. i-”

“i said, why don’t you stay here with taemin and his parents and help them out? you two are friends, right?”

jimin’s eyes widened at his mother’s preposition, and he wanted to refuse, but the thing is, it really wasn’t a preposition. his mother’s eyes dared him to say anything, so he just mumbled an okay as his mother smiled and walked away with his father to check out the rest of the fair.

after his parents disappeared into the crowd, jimin realized how weird he was being, standing in front of the tent staring at nothing as the lee family stared at him.

“so, jimin. this is your last year at school, right? are you going to follow your father’s footsteps?” mr. lee asked, giving jimin a smile and a pat on the shoulder.

“oh, no, ahjussi. i am planning to go to college.” jimin said, and mr. lee frowned.

“but what about the church? who will take care of it when your abeoji gets old?”

“ah, i’m sure he’ll find someone competent enough to replace him.” jimin forced a smile, but did not allow the man to say anything else as he gave him a bow, excused himself, and walked towards where taemin stood, behind the tent.

“hello, jimin. it’s been a while.” taemin said the moment his parents got busy with some customers. at the sound of his voice, jimin noticed that all the time apart from him did nothing but numb the feeling, because the moment their eyes met, and taemin’s breath hit jimin’s face because of the height difference that only seemed to grow, jimin’s heart ached, just like it used to, and he knew he was back to square zero.

“tae…” jimin started, but taemin shook his head.

“you don’t have to explain it to me. i just want to know, was it my fault?” taemin asked with expectant eyes that held a little trace of something that looked awfully like sadness.

_is it your fault that i like you? yes._

“no.” jimin said, and taemin gave him a small smile.

“good.”

they didn’t say anything for the rest of the night. they just sat there, shoulder to shoulder, sipping on juice boxes taemin got from the tent next to theirs, as they watched the jam jars disappear one by one.

“taemin, where are the other boxes?” taemin’s mother wiped her forehead with a cloth as she looked at taemin.

“what other boxes?” taemin asked, confused.

“aish, are they the ones in the basement?” mr. lee asked and his wife nodded.

“i forgot to load them. i thought you would tell taemin.” he then clicked his tongue.

“give your son the car keys, let him go get them. we’re running out and it’s still early.”

“come here, boy. take the truck and get the boxes from the basement. don’t be late.” mr. lee said he reluctantly put his car keys in taemin’s hand.

“jimin, dear, why don’t you go with taemin, hmm? make sure he loads them safe.” mrs. lee said and jimin yet again could not say no.

the boys walked in silence. very tense, very awkward silence, until they reached the rundown truck which looked like it had seen better days. reluctantly, jimin opened the passenger side door and slid into the seat slowly. he buckled his seatbelt and settled against the chipping leather of the seat, looking everywhere but taemin’s direction.

the older boy got into the car right after, sat there for a second just staring at jimin who was fiddling with his fingers on his lap, then he sighed and proceeded to turn on the car and drive off.

“you didn’t put on your seatbelt.” jimin remarked, and taemin shrugged.

“i don’t like it, it digs into my chest and i can’t drive like that. it makes me uncomfortable.” he explained.

“well, you driving without a seatbelt makes _me_ uncomfortable.” jimin rolled his eyes and taemin chuckled, a sound that made jimin’s heart beat twice as fast.

“you’re still a worrier, i see.” taemin said, as if he hadn’t seen jimin for years.

“it’s only been a couple of months.” jimin said before he could think better about it.

“it felt like ages.” taemin mumbled under his breath but jimin heard it loud and clear, and it made his chest heavy with guilt.

“it wasn’t your fault. it was mine. i- i had to stay away for a while. to deal with myself.” he knew that he didn’t have to explain, taemin did tell him that also, but the older boy’s scowl as he focused on the road, seatbelt digging into the exposed skin of his collarbones, jimin felt compelled to give an explanation. taemin deserved one anyway.

“what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“you know you’re not supposed to use the word hell with a pastor’s son, right?” jimin tried to humor but taemin’s expression didn’t change, so jimin sulked back into his seat.

“you know what? fuck that title you have. you’re much more than a fucking pastor’s son.” taemin said and jimin’s eyes widened because it was the first time that calm and shy taemin lost his temper.

“that’s not the point.” jimin said in a small voice.

“that’s exactly the point, jimin,” the name sounded venomous leaving the pink-haired boy’s lips. “everything you do and don’t do is because of that title. because you’re the pastor’s perfect son.”

“not true. i also rely on my education, and common sense, and the bible.”

at that, taemin burst out laughing. “the bible? the fucking bible? what are you, 80?”

jimin didn’t answer.

“i bet that’s why you stayed away. because the bible told you to, yeah? because the bible’s always right.”

jimin’s heart plummeted because he knew what the older was insinuating, and he couldn’t deny it, and taemin scoffed at the lack on answer.

5 minutes of silence later, taemin sighed. “look, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“don’t worry about it. you’re right to be mad. it’s my fault, anyway, i shouldn’t have done it.” jimin said, because it was true. he wasted months running away from it, just to fall into its arms all over again.

“so we’re good?” taemin asked, sneaking a glance at the boy next to him. jimin put on a sad smile, looked at taemin’s side profile and nodded.

“mmm,” he mumbled. “we’re okay.”

“will you tell me the real reason why i had to be lonely for months?”

jimin didn’t answer.

-

when taemin parked the car in front of the house, both boys shuffled outside, and jimin waited for taemin to start walking, still very aware of the tension created by the unanswered question. taemin led the way to the back of the house where he opened a hatch in the ground that showed stairs that lead underground.

“what in god’s name is this?” jimin asked as taemin started going down the stairs.

“have you never seen a cellar before, private school kid?” taemin smirked and jimin gave him a little shove that almost sent him tumbling down the stairs if jimin wasn’t quick to grab his arm and keep him steady.

“you almost killed me.” taemin said, and jimin rolled his eyes, ignoring him.

while jimin side-stepped him and went down into the cellar, taemin was getting frustrated by the lack of answers he was getting, so in a very desperate last resort, he locked the hatch from the inside, shoving the key into the back pocket of his jeans, then followed the younger downstairs.

jimin was shuffling around when taemin came, but he gave the older no chance to talk before he grabbed one of the smaller boxes and proceeded to go up the stairs. once he reached the top, he tried to open the hatch doors but they wouldn’t budge, so he sighed and walked back down to ask taemin about it.

jimin found taemin just standing there, not really moving to carry any boxes or anything. the younger frowned in confusion.

“hyung? the hatch doors aren’t opening.” he said as he placed the box at the bottom of the stairs.

taemin turned to face him and he just stared at him.

“hyung?” jimin tried again, getting even more confused.

“why aren’t you answering my question?” taemin asked and jimin gulped.

“i, uh, i just- i don’t want to talk about it.” jimin finally spluttered out and taemin rolled his eyes.

“don’t you think i at least deserve a proper explanation?” taemin questioned.

“i apologized.”

“i don’t want your apologies. i want reasons.”

“just open the doors, hyung. i want to leave.” jimin said, and taemin clicked his tongue.

“no, you’re not running away from this as well. i won’t open those doors unless you tell me what reason was so bad that you had to leave me lonely for months.”

jimin was getting flustered and nervous, his heart racing, and tears threatening to run down his face.

“it’s not your fault. you’re not the reason! i am.” he finally said, and it made taemin angry again.

“stop saying that! what’s your fault? the reason or what you did because of it?” taemin walked closer to jimin, closing the space between them even more, caging jimin between a table and the small space they still had between them. because of the sudden proximity, jimin walked backwards in haste, hitting the table with his back, and accidentally knocking down a jar of jam.

it happened so fast that taemin couldn’t stop it even if he wanted to. the jar rolled off the table and crashed into the floor, sending glass and strawberry jam everywhere. jimin gasped, falling to his knees in hurry, hands moving forward to pick up the broken pieces, and taemin yelled at him.

“you’ll hurt yourself!”

but it was already too late, because jimin’s finger was now bleeding from a cut because of the broken glass. when the pain hit, jimin stood up as taemin rushed towards him.

his bleeding finger, on top of the horizontal cut that was gushing blood, was covered with strawberry jam.

taemin’s hand flew forward and grabbed jimin’s hand as he raised the injured finger to his lips before jimin could even blink. taemin’s lips wrapped around the cut, cleaning it of jam, and his tongue darted out, licking at it, and the scene was so animalistic and instinctive that jimin’s face was now the color of his blood.

taemin noticed how flustered jimin was, so he removed his mouth from around the finger and licked his lips, trying his best not to smile at jimin’s expression.

“to clean it. kibum used to do this to me. it helps it heal faster.” he explained, but jimin didn’t say anything.

silently, jimin looked down to the mess that was now on the floor, and so did taemin, but while jimin looked confused by how they were to clean it, taemin was worried. jimin’s frown deepened until he finally realized the reason behind the older’s concern.

“oh my god. your parents.” jimin whispered and taemin almost winced.

“don’t worry about it.” he finally said, pulling jimin by the shoulders away from the mess.

“but it’s all my fault. they have to understand that if i tell them, right?”

“jimin-ah, it’s okay.” taemin said, but jimin knew it wasn’t.

“hyung…” jimin tried again, but taemin just cupped his face with his hands, and smiled a little.

“please stop worrying about me. i’ll be okay,” the older boy said, his thumbs stroking the soft skin of jimin’s cheeks lightly. “we have to get your finger bandaged and get back.”

so, without any more words said, taemin unlocked the doors, sat jimin down in the truck and wrapped a clean piece of gauze he found somewhere in the kitchen on his wound. “we don’t have antiseptic. this is gonna have to do till we get to the pharmacy.” he said, sitting the younger down in the truck before he went back and forth 3 times to load the boxes.

taemin drove slow, like he wanted to prolong the inevitable. jimin sat solemnly in his seat, so ever so subtly, taemin moved his free hand and took his injured finger. he held it lightly, so that he doesn’t squeeze on the gauze, but he applied reassuring pressure and jimin let him. with taemin’s whole hand wrapped around one of his fingers, jimin curled the rest of his fingers upwards so that they would brush the back of taemin’s hand.

neither of them said anything. they just sat there, hands intertwined, until they found a 24/7 pharmacy and got jimin’s finger properly treated.

when they got back to the fair, taemin’s parents were furious. hastily, jimin explained what happened and how it was all his fault before taemin could stop him. he bowed and apologized a million times, and 10 minutes later, his parents were ready to go back home.

jimin texted the older boy at 2am because he couldn’t sleep. taemin replied 30 minutes later with a simple “i’m okay. goodnight, jimin-ah.”

taemin wasn’t okay, in fact. jimin ambushed him at the farm the next day, when he made sure that both their parents were at the church for a village meeting.

“hello, hyung.” he came out from behind taemin who was wiping the windows on the now clean truck he was obviously washing.

taemin whipped around in surprise, then ducked his head fast so jimin wouldn’t see his face.

“jimin? what are you doing here?” he asked, voice low.

“i wanted to see you. your parents and mine have a meeting in the church, so i took my chance.” jimin explained and stepped forward but taemin stepped back.

“you can’t be here. come on, you have to go.”

“no,” jimin said, and caged taemin against the truck. “i need to know if you’re okay.”

“i’m fine.” taemin said, still facing the ground, but jimin tenderly raised his hand to push his chin up.

when jimin caught sight of the cut lip and the bruised cheek, he gasped, his hand cupping taemin’s face.

“i’m so sorry!” he squealed, but taemin was fast to pull him inside the house, away from any prying eyes.

“it’s not your fault. it’s my fucking father’s and no one else.” taemin sighed, dropping on one the living room couch.

jimin bit his lip because he suddenly felt so mad that he was about to cry. but he held himself, and walked to the kitchen to fetch a bag of frozen anything to ice taemin’s face.

when he came back to the living room, taemin had his head between his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. jimin sat right next to him, with barely any space separating their legs, and he raised his chin up to press the cold bag of frozen peas to his lips and cheek.

taemin put his hand above jimin’s that was holding the bag, and the younger boy did not move his hand away.

“why did he do that? it was one jar, for god’s sake. i told him it’s my fault.” jimin huffed and taemin let out a sad laugh.

“it’s not about the jar. he was mad cause you got hurt and you left upset. how dare i hurt the pastor’s son?” taemin said bitterly, his hand squeezing jimin’s.

“what? he got mad because _i_ got hurt? what the hell?” jimin’s eyes widened.

“i thought we shouldn’t mention hell in front of the pastor’s son?” taemin chuckled to ease the tension but jimin jabbed him in the ribs. taemin was quick to grab the hand that poked him with his free one, and lace their fingers together. yet again, jimin didn’t pull back.

“i hate that title. always have. i just use it to get out of things in this village, but god damn it, hyung. there’s nothing more that i want more than to get out of my father’s shadow. that’s why i want to go to college; it’s why i chose the farthest colleges i could find to apply to.” jimin sighed.

“one more year.” taemin said, and jimin nodded.

after a few moments of silence, jimin spoke up. “so this really is all my fault.”

taemin scoffed. “shut up. you didn’t hurt yourself on purpose. it’s just fucking bullshit.”

“why are you still here, hyung?”

“i have my reasons.”

“will you tell me your reasons?”

“will you tell me yours?”

“touché.”

-

v.

when jimin was 17, taemin was 18.

it was a few weeks after jimin’s birthday when he decided that he and taemin needed to find other ways to hang out than sneaking around after choir or the occasional bible studies that they pretended to go to.

“how about you tutor me in math?” jimin suggested one sunday afternoon after church. he and taemin were at the very secluded part of the park, laying on the grass, very close to each other that their legs actually tangled and their pinky fingers wrapped around each other. they told their parents that they wanted to study for bible class.

“i suck at math.” taemin laughed.

“yeah, but i don’t. my parents don’t need to know that and neither do yours. it’s not like they’re gonna ask. i’ll tell my father that i need a little help in some hard lessons and that you’re available. you tell your dad that this will get you on the good side of the pastor and his son. i doubt they’ll even question it.” jimin said, and taemin gave him a bewildered look.

“it looks like you’ve been thinking about that for a while.” he commented, and in the most hushed voice, jimin said, “that’s because i have been.”

taemin thought about it for a while; there was no harm in trying- his father loved the pastor, and he was sure to give taemin a couple of hours off from working in the field.

so they agreed to that, and they spent a few more minutes in silence before they decided that they better get going. they walked home in silence also, the backs of their hands brushing as their arms swung back and forth in unison.

taemin’s place was first, so he smiled at jimin before he quickly disappeared into the house. jimin walked back home slowly, and he took the time to think.

he still liked taemin.

heck, he was probably _in love_ with taemin, and he stopped fighting it long ago. it still scared him, god, it did, but running away from it only seemed to make the matters worse. he was as sure as the sky is blue that his parents would not only disown him, but would also ban him from entering the village if he ever came out to them as gay. (they may also put him under shock-therapy or an exorcism by the church, but jimin would rather believe that his own flesh and blood weren’t that cruel).

it didn’t matter anyway. in less than a year, he would be out of the house and the village as it is, and out there, in the big world, what his parents believed didn’t matter. out there, he was free to love whoever he wanted.

and he wanted taemin.

-

“what time is the lee kid coming over for the tutoring sessions?” jimin’s father asked him that morning, when jimin woke up and saw that his parents were running late, contrary to usual.

“5pm, abeoji. after school.” jimin replied and his father gave him a pat on the shoulder and nothing more.

by some miracle or whatever blessing the deities were kind enough to give, both jimin and taemin’s fathers agreed to the whole “tutoring” thing. the boys couldn’t believe their luck, so they didn’t push it and decided that 2 hours twice a week would be enough. they did, however, pick a timing when jimin’s parents would be out of the house, so they could feel a little free.

when the day of the first tutoring session came around, jimin went through the day like his ass was on fire. he couldn’t sit still in class or on the bus, and he ran from the bus station to get home faster. he changed out of his school uniform and spent the next hour or so sitting down then standing back up again for no fucking reason.

except that he was nervous. he and taemin would have the whole house to themselves- privacy and freedom.

at 4:56pm, a knock sounded on the front door of the park residence, and jimin went up to get it in record speed. when the door opened to reveal taemin, whose hair was now purple, jimin almost flung himself onto him, but of course, ever-so-composed park jimin controlled himself and opted to smiling brightly and greeting taemin with the sweetest “hyung” he could muster.

of course, they studied nothing. instead, they sat on jimin’s bed, curled into each other, one of taemin’s hands pulling at strands of jimin’s brown hair while the other rubbed circles on his back.

“you should try dyeing your hair. it would suit you.” taemin suggested, and jimin hummed in response because even though he wanted to, imagine a pastor’s son with bright pink hair or something.

that was pretty much how their tutoring sessions went. they would sometimes sit too close to be considered platonic on jimin’s bed or the living room couch, hands not leaving each other’s, other times, when they weren’t too lucky and one of jimin’s parents was home for the day, they would sit on the dining room table where they were supposed to be, math notes and worksheets sprawled in front of them as they bullshitted their way through two hours of supposed math tutoring.

even then, when they were sitting next to each other in the dining room with one of jimin’s parents in the other room, they would still find ways to touch somehow; pinky fingers laced under the table, or taemin’s hand on jimin’s knee, ~~or thigh.~~

the whole tutoring thing went on for some months until jimin got his mid-year report card (he had straight 'a's in all subjects) and they couldn’t pretend anymore. they went back to sneaking around, but they only got to see each other 2 times a week if they’re lucky, sometimes even with people around.

-

it was one friday night, late may, with jimin’s graduation around the corner, when taemin called him at half past midnight.

“how do you feel about sneaking out right now?” taemin asked, and jimin almost laughed at him.

“dead people can’t feel things, and that’s what i would be if i attempted to sneak out. dead.”

“now that’s exaggerated.” taemin clicked his tongue.

“so your parents know that you’re out?” jimin asked and it was taemin’s turn to laugh.

“’course not. but i won’t get caught, and neither will you, so wear something comfortable and wait for me by your window. i’ll be there in 10 minutes.” and then he hung up.

jimin was a million percent sure that he had a death wish, because the next thing he knows, he’s changing out of his pajamas into ripped jeans and a t-shirt.

true to his word, taemin arrived 10 minutes later, running up the street and making his way to jimin’s window. the park residence was a one-story house, so jimin’s window was merely a meter off the ground.

“come on.” taemin whispered, and jimin cursed him to hell before he climbed out of his window and left it a little open- to get back inside.

taemin’s grin was from ear to ear as he grabbed jimin’s hand and told him to run. and so they did, hand in hand, they ran all the way to the lake at the end of the village, and before jimin could ask what’s up, taemin was leading the way down a dirt path all the way to the little clearing surrounding the body of water.

jimin expected a lot of things, but they weren’t any of what he saw when they finally stopped running. bodies littered the little space next to the water, and when jimin and taemin appeared, everyone stopped what they were doing for a second to look at them, but then they resumed whatever they were at. the dark place was lit using a few lantern lights and battery-charged light bulbs. through the haze of yellow and white lights, jimin could see faces he vaguely recognized. like for example the smiling face that was getting closer and closer until it was all up in jimin’s personal space.

“pastor’s kid. it’s been years.” the person said, and although it got a little deeper than it used to be, his voice was still unmistakable.

“kibum hyung.” jimin said as he recognized the boy standing before him. kibum’s smile widened even more- if that’s even humanly possible, and he ruffled jimin’s hair.

“you’ve grown so much in 4 years.” he commented and jimin only laughed.

wow, he couldn’t believe that kim kibum in the flesh and blood was standing right in front of him, right in the village which he had been out of for 4 years. the same kim kibum who mysteriously dropped off the face of the earth out of the blue when jimin was 13.

“how have you been, hyung?” jimin asked out of politeness and kibum pinched his cheek.

“so prim and proper. ah, i approve of this one, minnie,” kibum directed his words at taemin who only rolled his eyes, and then he said. “i’ve been great, jimin. thank you for asking.”

“i haven’t seen you in years. where’d you disappear to?” jimin’s curiosity couldn’t be stopped.

“ahh. that’s a long story, little min. taemin will tell you about it sometime. but for now, you gotta tell me what did taemin do to get you into his trap?” kibum chuckled, earning an eye-roll from the latter.

“screw off, key. we have to introduce him to people.” taemin then said, shoving kibum a little but the other boy stood his grounds.

“let me do the honors. i know everyone far better than you do.”

so jimin let himself be dragged to a group of people by kibum who had an arm slung over his shoulder, with taemin following close behind.

“don’t worry about it. everyone knows you, because taemin never shuts up about you.” kibum had answered when jimin asked how is he supposed to introduce himself, earning another shove from taemin.

when they got close enough to the group, jimin could see everything clearly, and his programmed mind stopped functioning for a second. his brainwashed self internally screamed, but he reminded himself of his hypocrisy and kept walking.

kibum lead jimin closer to two boys who were literally straddling each other. one of them, who had blue hair, was sitting cross-legged on the floor while the other, with shaggy, light brown hair, was sitting on his lap; to make matters worse- or better for them- they were making out.

it was the very first time in his 17 years of existence that jimin had seen a gay couple- save for the graphic novel that one time, and although he and taemin had been a little extra _friendly_ lately, he was still unsure of his stand in the matter.

kibum flicked the brown-haired boy on the ear, and the couple stopped kissing enough for them to glare at kibum, but when they noticed jimin awkwardly standing there, the brown-haired boy scrambled to his feet and crushed jimin in a hug.

“you must be jimin! i’m taehyung!” his voice, although very excited, was surprisingly deep.

“jimin, this is my brother, taehyung,” kibum explained, and then he pointed at the blue-haired boy who gave jimin a not-so-interested nod. “and that’s his boyfriend, yoongi.”

“nice to meet you.” jimin smiled at them and taehyung squealed. “he’s so cute, minmin! keep him.”

jimin decided that he liked the taehyung boy.

“that’s what your brother said.” taemin, who had been silent, said, and taehyung grinned.

“the kim brothers approve! you’re safe!” he cheered, and jimin didn’t know what to do.

“let’s go meet the parents.” kibum then said, pulling jimin away from his brother.

“the parents?” jimin asked, mortified.

“they’re not real parents- yet. but they are the eldest in the group, and they are married.” kibum laughed.

“like, married married?” jimin asked and kibum smirked. “not a church marriage, pastor’s kid. a court one. in america.”

jimin let out an “ahh” before they reached two boys who were sitting next to each other on the side of the water. when they saw them approaching, both boys stood up.

“hyungs, this is jimin. jimin, these are jeonghan and seungcheol.” kibum introduced, pointing at each boy as he said his name, and jimin could have sworn the boys standing in front of him were not human. they were too pretty. the jeonghan guy was probably an angel- maybe jimin could show his father that angels do actually exist, and they’re pretty gay.

“ah, jimin-ah! we’ve heard so much about you.” jeonghan said, his bleach-blonde hair looking like a halo in the moon light.

“hyung.” taemin whined.

“this guy right here never shuts up about you. he’s always jimin this, jimin that. now we see why.” seungcheol added, laughing, and jimin was so jealous of his voice, ~~and face.~~

“hyung, stop.” taemin whined again, his hands resting on jimin’s shoulders and pulling him away.

as he was being pushed away by an embarrassed taemin and a laughing kibum, jimin waved at the two boys and yelled out, “nice to meet you, hyungs.”

meeting everyone else was a little different. not everyone was as friendly, or as respectful; some couldn’t let go of the fact jimin was the pastor’s kid, others really didn’t like him for it. when things got a little overwhelming, jimin clutched onto taemin’s shirt from behind as they walked, as if keeping himself steady using the thin cloth. taemin didn’t mind.

when the alcohol and smoke broke out, jimin started getting really uncomfortable. being around gay people was one thing, but being around heavy alcohol and cigarettes, that he was sure had a little more than just standard tobacco, was another thing all together.

jimin wasn’t just stepping out of comfort zone, he was practically canon-balling right out of it, being thrown into way too many uncharted waters all at once.

when the clouds of smoke overhead got too thick, and the beer in his hands started tasting like warm piss, jimin poked taemin’s arm, pulling his attention from whatever some girl was doing.

“hyung, can we go somewhere quieter for a bit? i can’t breathe well.”

taemin jumped to his feet in a second, putting out his hand for jimin to grab it. once they were both standing up, taemin told kibum, “we’re just gonna go get some fresh air. call if you need anything.”

with jimin’s smaller hand in his, taemin lead the way to the very, very end of the lake, and when they were completely out of view from the rest of the group, they sat on the side of the water, a little far apart.

they stayed silent for a little while, then jimin started the conversation.

“i really like your friends. especially kibum, and the parents. even taehyung and his brooding boyfriend.”

taemin chuckled, and he pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his cheek on them, facing jimin. “they really like you too.”

“what did you tell them about me?” jimin asked, and taemin seemed to think over the answer pretty hard before he sighed and said, “just about how i think i’m in love with you.”

jimin’s eyes widened as he sucked in a harsh breath, that for a second, he felt his heart malfunction.

“what?” his voice came out weak, mainly because his question was an instinctive reaction rather than a thought-out one. (his thought-out reaction would be drowning himself in the lake).

“come on, jimin. it’s not like it wasn’t obvious.” taemin scoffed, letting out a small, embarrassed chuckle.

jimin didn’t say anything for a long while, like a whole 10 minutes or so. he was having an inner battle, and for someone who had spent 17 years not having choices, he was faced by a pretty big one all of a sudden.

he didn’t know what to do, but when he turned his face to look at taemin and the latter was already staring at him, he knew.

“remember last year? when i disappeared for a couple of months and then returned like nothing had happened?” he asked, all while maintaining eye contact with taemin.

the older boy sighed and said, “you don’t have to tell me.”

“i want to.” jimin replied.

“the last time we talked about this you ended up with an injured finger and an almost heart attack.” taemin said.

“last time i was scared. i don’t think i am anymore.”

“jimin.”

“just answer me.”

“of course i remember.” taemin finally gave in.

“you asked me if the reason or what i did because of it were my fault,” jimin started and taemin listened. “what i did was purely my fault, but the reason was yours. it wasn’t something you did, it was just…you.”

“i don’t understand.” taemin said, and jimin hummed.

“i stayed away because i realized that i liked you. it wasn’t brotherly or friendly or platonic. it was _like_ like, you know? and i’m the fucking pastor’s son, hyung. my whole life’s been about the church and the bible and jesus christ. what do you think was going on in my mind when i realized that i had feelings for a boy? and not any other boy, but you. i liked you too much to stop, but not enough to face it.”

“liked?” taemin asked, voice broken.

“yes. i’m pretty sure that whatever i’m feeling for you right now is much more than like.” jimin finally said, and god, it felt so freeing.

“jimin, i-” taemin started but jimin spoke over him.

“i stayed away from you because i liked you, but i guess i came back so i could fall in love with you.”

“that’s a whole year we’re never getting back.” taemin said after a while of silence and jimin laughed so hard that his eyes watered.

as they sat a little closer now, their shoulders brushing, jimin fiddled with taemin’s fingers, and taemin decided to smoke. he asked if jimin was okay with it, and he said yes.

“can i try it?” jimin asked when taemin was halfway through the cigarette. taemin raised his eyebrows in surprise. “i thought it was a disgusting habit.”

“it is. but i want to try it. see why you love it so much.” jimin shrugged.

so taemin removed the cigarette from between his lips and offered it to the younger boy who hesitantly took it. slowly, jimin placed the cigarette between his lips but inhaled quickly. of course, as anyone would know, a first-time smoker should not have done that.

jimin coughed and spluttered while taemin rubbed his back and laughed.

“that was horrible!” the younger boy yelled when his breathing calmed down and taemin laughed even more.

“that’s because you did it too fast,” he replied and took the cigarette that had burned down to a stub from jimin. “i’ll show you.”

properly, taemin took a long but slow drag from the cigarette then put the stub out on a rock next to him, all while staring intently at jimin, holding the smoke in his mouth.

“then?” jimin asked, and the next thing he knows, taemin had both of his hands cupping his cheeks. taemin’s touch was reassuring, and jimin felt himself lean in.

it was two seconds too long before taemin’s lips were on jimin’s parted ones, and smoke was rushing from the older boy’s mouth into the latter’s throat, and although it stung a little, and it tasted bitter on his tongue, he didn’t notice, because soon enough, taemin’s lips started moving, coaxing jimin’s with them, and slowly, very _very_ slowly, they were kissing.

it wasn’t a show of fireworks or fluttering butterflies, instead, it was a slow burn starting from jimin’s gut and spreading all the way to his chest and limbs. taemin’s lips were a little chapped, but they were just as soft as jimin imagined they would be. jimin’s eyes were closed, but he could feel taemin’s thumbs softly brushing his cheeks.

seconds later, taemin pulled back and when jimin’s eyes fluttered open, he was already staring at him.

“then you exhale.” taemin whispered, his face still too close to jimin’s that their lips brushed as he spoke. jimin let out a shaky breath, his eyes focused on taemin.

“it’s not so bad anymore.” jimin said, and taemin let out a chuckle.

“this doesn’t mean that you’re allowed to smoke, though.” he warned, and their faces were still very close and taemin’s hands were still on the younger’s face.

jimin just smiled a little and said, “then i’ll just exhale.” and his lips were on taemin’s.

if someone were to tell jimin a year ago that he would be the one initiating a kiss with a boy, he would’ve thrown a bible at their face, but now, sitting at the side of the lake with taemin’s hands lowering to hold his neck and pull him closer so that they could breathe from each other, he thought that _he_ needed a bible to be thrown at _his_ face.

somewhere in the back of his head, he heard his father’s voice loud and clear, but it was soon driven out because taemin’s tongue licked at jimin’s bottom lip, and without much ~~any~~ resistance, his lips were parting, allowing taemin’s tongue to delve into his warm mouth, and if the first kiss was a slow burn, the second was an inferno.

and jimin was burning.

taemin tasted like smoke and beer and the unmistakable tinge of strawberry- and sin; jimin didn’t mind it at all.

it was half an hour or so before they stopped making out, and by the end of it, jimin was in between taemin’s legs. both of their lips were kiss-swollen and their hands had ended up in places different from where they began. while one of taemin’s hands was on jimin’s neck, and the other around his waist, under the thin cotton of his shirt, with his fingers deftly tracing the warm and taut skin of his stomach, jimin’s hands were in his hair, fingers running through his dye-burnt ~~but still surprisingly soft~~ strands.

“you’re too bad for me.” jimin said once he was able to breathe properly again. they were still in the same position, taemin’s fingers were still tracing patterns on jimin’s skin, and jimin’s jeans felt a little tighter than when he put them on. he wasn’t stupid, or naïve, and contrary to popular belief, jimin knew exactly what it meant.

“what do you mean?” taemin asked, concerned.

jimin must’ve been a little buzzed from the beer he drank, or high from the intense make-out session, or maybe some chemical imbalance was taking place in his brain, because he was soon saying things that he normally wouldn’t.

“your hands,” he breathed out, and taemin squeezed his waist a little. “they’re making me think about things that i shouldn’t be thinking about right now.”

“and what’s so bad about that?” taemin asked in the warmest voice.

“do you think god judges us? does he think we’re sinning?” jimin finally said.

taemin sighed, then he let his hand that was on jimin’s neck fall between them, palm up. jimin stared at it for a second, then taemin nudged him a little, so jimin removed one of his hands from taemin’s hair and placed it on his waiting hand. their fingers slotted perfectly, and while jimin’s hand was soft and small, taemin’s hand was rugged and it enveloped the other’s in its warmth.

jimin’s heart was already beating so hard that he could hear it in his ears, but when the warmth from taemin’s hand spread into his, his heart skipped a beat…or six.

“does this feel like sinning to you?”

the thing is, it didn’t feel wrong- not at all, instead, it felt like it belonged there, and that scared jimin even more.

“it feels perfect.” he admitted, and taemin dropped a kiss on his jaw.

“come with me.”

jimin didn’t ask where, he just allowed taemin to pull him up to his feet and take off his shoes.

it was a pretty stupid thing to do, if you ask them, but suddenly everything felt too hot, and taemin needed to cool them down before he did things that he would sure regret later. so he walked them into the lake, fully clothed. they left their shoes and belongings where they were sitting, and then they just walked into the water and surprisingly, jimin didn’t question it; he just kept a firm grip on taemin’s hand and he followed him into the dark water.

even though it was a hot night, the water was still cold, and the boys only noticed when they were waist-deep into it. they kept moving, however, until their feet couldn’t touch the group anymore.

“i understand that we have to cool down, but why are we fully clothed?” jimin asked, his hands resting on taemin’s shoulders so he could float better because his wet clothes were weighing him down.

“because i can barely resist you when you’re fully clothed. i don’t think my weak self-control would hold if you were wearing less.” taemin chuckled, and his cheeks were tainted red from embarrassment.

“what if i don’t want you to?” jimin asked, voice low.

“you don’t want me to what?”

“resist.” the answer came fast, and taemin’s eyes widened.

“believe me, i don’t want to either, but not here. not now. not when we just stopped being scared of talking to each other,” taemin said, then he caressed jimin’s face. “your birthday is in less than 5 months. you’ll be 18. then i won’t hold back. but now it’s too early, okay?”

jimin kissed the side of taemin’s mouth and said, “okay.”

taemin pulled him close to his chest, crushing him in a hug as he rested his chin on his shoulder. “jimin?”

“hmm.”

“i love you.”

“i love you too.”

-

kibun found them like that minutes later, and he started teasing them as they walked behind him, dripping wet, back to where all the others were. the others caught on too and joined it, but then taemin pulled jimin into his chest and told them not to tease his boyfriend. everyone lost it (and started teasing them even more).

jimin exchanged numbers with taehyung, and got added to a group chat seconds later with taemin, kibum, the parents, and even yoongi.

in the car (kibum’s car which he lent to taemin so he could drive jimin home) jimin asked his boyfriend about the kim brothers.

“remember minister kim? from bible class? you know he’s their father, right?” taemin asked and jimin shook his head.

“well, yeah he is. anyway, when taehyung was 13 or so, he met yoongi. yoongi was in town for a couple of months to visit family, he was 15 at the time. so they met and became friends and one thing led to another and they fell in love. it was sad to watch them sneak around all the time, so one day, taehyung decided to tell his father. it was fucking idiotic but he said that he’s tired of being treated like a kid, and that he knows what he wants and teenage stuff like that,” taemin had jimin’s hand in his when he was speaking. “so he did. kibum tried to stop him, but it was too late, taehyung had already told his father that he’s gay, and it didn’t end as well as he had hoped. his dad almost beat him to death, but kibum stepped in and took some of the heat. minister kim kicked taehyung out of the house, and kibum refused to leave his brother, so he left with him.”

“oh my god.” jimin pouted. he did remember, though, once, when he was around that age, when his father took a whole service to preach about how wrong and against nature homosexuality is. he remembered being confused, because wasn't he preaching love and acceptance a week earlier? 

he told taemin to go on. “key called yoongi and told him everything, and he took them in. his mom is an open-minded woman and she loves her kid beyond religion or whatever crap. a week later, they all went to daegu. a woman with three kids, two of which were black and blue with bruises on a 3-hour train ride. they gave me a phone number and that was it. we stayed in touch and they come back here once a year. they stay at yoongi’s family’s place, and they never come near their parents.”

“they didn’t deserve this.” jimin commented and taemin hummed.

“they’re the best, but i think that they’re happier now than they have ever been.”

“i’m glad.” 

“i might go with them, to daegu, when you leave to university.” taemin said after a little stretch of silence. jimin had a half sad/ half thoughtful look on his face, and he didn’t know what to say, so he just squeezed taemin’s hand and hummed.

(jimin snuck back into his room very quietly that night, and his parents never knew about it).

-

3 weeks later, jimin graduated high school. it was a massive celebration in that private school, and taemin stood way in the back and cheered him on. to everyone else, he was part of the crowd, but to jimin, he was the only one who mattered. he couldn’t see him because he was way too far, but he could hear the loudest cheer when his name was called.

they boys hadn’t seen each other in around 2 weeks because jimin had finals and taemin’s dad worked him to the ground in the field and the new part-time job he forced him to get. they missed each other terribly, but they knew that they had to pull through. they spent their nights on the phone, speaking in hushed whispers just so they could hear each other’s voices.

after graduation, when his parents were fast asleep after the long day, jimin snuck out. taemin didn’t know about it, and it was a little reckless because it wasn’t even that late at night, but jimin wanted to see his boy so bad that he was willing to take the risk. he ran all the way to construction site where taemin was working the graveyard shift. when he got there, he walked all the way to the back, avoiding everyone; it took a few minutes, but he finally spotted taemin whose hair was now an ashy gray, and he ran up to him and enveloped his torso in an unexpected back hug.

taemin gasped at the sudden contact and turned around to see who it was. when he saw that it was jimin, with dark pink hair and the widest grin, his eyes widened. hastily, he took jimin’s hand in his and lead him to a secluded part where he was sure that no one would see them.

“what are you doing here?” taemin asked once they stopped walking.

“i wanted to see you.” jimin couldn’t stop grinning.

“how did you sneak out?”

"my parents are sleeping."

"they're going to kill you."

"i don’t care."

"you're gonna get caught-"

"i missed you."

that shut taemin up, so he grabbed jimin by the shirt and pulled him flush against him, their lips crashing in a much-awaited kiss. taemin wasted no time in diving his tongue straight into the younger’s mouth, tasting him like he’s been starving. it was wet and rough and downright messy, but it was their first kiss in so long and neither of the boys seemed to mind getting a little messy.

when they had to pull back for air, taemin kept jimin up against his body, and he looked at him through half-lidded eyes.

“your hair is pink.” he stated obviously and jimin grinned.

“so, you like it?” he asked. taemin ran his hands through the pink strands and pushed them back a little, dropping a kiss on jimin’s forehead.

“i fucking love it, baby. you look so good.” he then said.

“i better. my dad almost shaved my head off when i came home like this.” jimin giggled.

“oh, i bet. i would’ve loved to see his face, damn it.” taemin chuckled.

“it was amazing, jagi. i went three towns over after finals to get it done, and i picked pink because i wanted something a little crazy. you should’ve seen my parents’ reactions when i walked into the church later that day. dad almost had an aneurysm.” jimin giggled even more.

“and they let you keep it?”

“i told them it would wash off in a while.”

“will it?”

“’course not.”

“i really am a bad influence on you. you’re becoming a reckless boy.” taemin scolded, clicking his tongue.

“a reckless boy who’s in love with another reckless boy.” jimin shrugged.

“stop saying cute shit like that, it makes it hard for me to stay mad at you.” taemin rolled his eyes.

“hmm, good.” jimin smiled a little evilly before he leaned forward and kissed the older boy. this kiss started slow, just lips against lips, but when jimin parted taemin’s legs with one of his and dragged it against his crotch (accidentally, of course), taemin took charge of the kiss, deepening it, his hands sliding under jimin’s shirt to touch his skin.

jimin was already high on adrenaline, so when he felt taemin’s warm skin on his, he pushed his leg further into the space between taemin’s legs, dragging it agonizingly slow against his crotch. this caused taemin to push a hand against jimin’s knee to keep it away. he stopped the kiss and jimin whined.

“baby, we talked about this.” taemin sighed.

“i know, but taemin, come on. my birthday is in 4 months. i’m practically 18 already.” jimin pouted.

“it doesn’t matter. you’re not legal yet.” taemin argued back and jimin slumped.

“but i want to feel you. this is so unfair. i have urges too, you know. i’ve been a fucking virgin for 17 years.” jimin huffed.

“aww, my baby has urges but he’s too good to do it on his own.” taemin laughed, and jimin jabbed him in the ribs.

“i might as well. we’re already sinning by their standards. what’s one more?” the younger shook his head then started walking away.

“where are you going?” taemin asked, following him.

“if you’re not going to take care of this, i will.” jimin finally said, gesturing down to his crotch where taemin could finally notice the bulge.

the older boy gulped at the sight, and it made him grow harder, which wasn’t really helping his situation.

“you’re making this harder, jimin.” he commented, pun intended. jimin shrugged again so taemin huffed and told him to go wait by the truck. jimin’s face lit up as he quietly and discretely ran in the direction of the parking lot where taemin’s family’s truck was parked.

defeatedly, taemin walked into his boss’s office, after making sure that jimin was no where close. he feigned sickness and a raging headache, promising to work his hours another night. his boss was a kind man who told him that it was okay, and that he could leave. after he changed into his normal clothes, as opposed to the ridiculous overalls he has to wear for work, he walked to where jimin stood against the truck, impatiently.

“get in.” he ordered, and jimin hopped into the truck after taemin unlocked it.

taemin drove for 10 minutes or so before he parked the car somewhere that has probably not seen a human in so long. once he turned off the ignition, they sat there just staring at each other.

“okay, this is how it’s gonna go. you are not going to do anything, i’m gonna do all the work. you’ll take whatever i give you, and you can’t nag or whine about it; what i offer is what you get, okay? those are my rules.” taemin said and jimin nodded enthusiastically.

“good, take off your pants.”

jimin froze. eyes wide and mouth agape, he stared at taemin like he had told him the world is ending. taemin raised an eyebrow and went on to turn on the car, but jimin surprised him by complying.

in taemin’s head, a mantra played. “control yourself, he’s still underage.” but then jimin unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down his thighs, revealing the expanses of his golden skin, and taemin had to close his eyes and inhale through his nose to calm himself down.

when he opened his eyes again, jimin had taken his pants off completely, and was sitting there in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs and his t-shirt. he was almost curled up against himself, looking so insecure and frightened.

taemin reached out and caressed his face. “you can still change your mind.”

jimin shook his head, “no. i don’t want to.”

so taemin took off his seatbelt and angled his body so that he would be facing jimin. he started it off with a kiss, slow and tender, runing one of his hands on jimin’s bare thigh, and he could feel the goosebumps rise from under his touch. taemin wanted to go real slow, and he knew that he would be prolonging the agony for both of them, but he wanted it to be worth jimin’s while.

“baby, come on.” jimin whispered against his lips, but taemin ignored him, and started trailing wet kisses down his face and neck, reaching under his collarbone and sucking a red mark there.

“this is gonna bruise, okay? be careful what you wear around your parents.” he remarked, and jimin mindlessly nodded, still not making any sound.

when taemin finally, _finally,_ decided to stop tormenting the younger boy, he reached out one of his hands and cupped jimin’s clothed member; that’s when jimin let out a shaky sigh and a breathless moan. he rubbed it slowly, keeping his eyes trained on jimin, who had his eyes closed and head thrown back against the window, breathing through his parted lips in pants.

“are you okay, baby?” taemin asked, and jimin gulped as he nodded wordlessly. “tell me to stop if you’re not.”

taemin then decided to up it a notch, so he slid his hand under the elastic waistband of the briefs, and pulled jimin’s hard cock out. jimin almost cried at the contact, but he only gripped taemin’s shoulder harder to keep himself from falling apart. taemin gave it a few strokes, his thumb rubbing lightly against the slit on the head, making more pre-cum leak and slick up the movement of his hand.

jimin still had his eyes closed because he was partly embarrassed and partly too far gone to even want to see what was going on; he only listened to the hitching of taemin’s breath, and the sound of his hand stroking his dick.

as taemin’s pace got faster, jimin’s moans got louder, and it wasn’t too long before he was a squirming mess.

“i- i- ugh, fuck, tae, i-” jimin was blabbing.

“what do you want, baby?” taemin asked, voice low, hooded with lust. he slowed down his strokes a little, twisting his wrist, eliciting more moans from the younger.

“i’m gonna,” jimin started saying, breathing jagged. “explode.” for the lack of better words, and knowledge about sexual terms, jimin settled to describing what he was feeling. a knot in his gut was so tight, his toes curled, and he felt like he was going to actually explode.

taemin almost burst out laughing at the cuteness, but he held himself, and pulled jimin in for a kiss, picking up his pace again. it was a few minutes later when jimin “exploded” with a high-pitched moan, coming all over taemin’s hand and the leather of the seat.

taemin stroked him slowly through his high, and when he settled down against him, looking fucked out rather than prim and proper, taemin fell in love with him a little more.

taemin removed his hand with a squelching sound, and purposely put one of his fingers in his mouth, tasting his boyfriend like never before. jimin’s breath hitched at the sight, and his dick twitched, but taemin’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he groaned.

“fuck, jagi. you taste so good.”

heat spread from jimin’s neck all the way up to the tips of his ears. he stayed quiet and still as taemin reached out for a wad of tissue paper and cleaned up the mess before instructing the younger to get dressed.

“what about you?” jimin asked, concerned.

“i’ll handle it when i get home.” taemin said, starting the car.

“but-”

“what did i tell you about not nagging?” taemin questioned and jimin huffed, getting dressed.

“good boy.” taemin ruffled his hair but then pulled him in for a quick kiss.

when taemin started driving again, jimin remembered the reason why he was so excited to see him.

“by the way,” he said, catching taemin’s attention. “i’m not going to college.”

“what?” taemin asked, braking.

“yeah. i talked to my parents about it. i told them i don’t want to. they didn’t agree, of course, but after i promised that i would spend the time preparing to take over the church, my father allowed me to have a gap-year.” jimin proudly said.

“you want to take over the church?” taemin asked.

“no.”

“but-”

“that’s what they think i’m gonna do. i’m just buying us time. till i’m of age, and we get things settled.” jimin said.

“i don’t understand.”

“let’s run away together,” jimin finally said. taemin just stared at him. “you want to go to daegu, and i want to get out of that house and the fucking church. so we’ll keep working now, save some money, then we’ll go to daegu with the boys. we can get an apartment together, and then, after a while, when we have enough money, we can go anywhere. we can go to busan, or jeju, or even seoul.”

“jimin, that’s crazy.”

“i know. fuck, baby, i know, but i would rather have that than stay here. i know nothing outside this province. i know nothing outside this church. if i tell my parents, i’m either gonna get killed or kicked out, and if i don’t tell them, then i’d have to stay stuck here until i go crazy. but we have another option. no one has to know. just me and you. we’ll go anywhere, do whatever we want. we can start a life together, and maybe someday, we can go to america and get married like jeonghan hyung and seungcheol hyung.” jimin was so hopeful, so fucking hopeful and it hurt taemin’s heart.

“we’ll think about it, okay? we’ll weigh our options, and we’ll do what’s best for us. for now, you gotta hang in there and turn 18 already.” taemin decided, and that was it.

vi.

when jimin turned 18, taemin was waiting for him.

they decided to meet in the field behind taemin’s house. it was broad daylight, around 4 in the afternoon, but it was saturday and taemin’s parents had something or the other to do, two towns over. jimin walked briskly, feeling light. when he got to the field, he walked the path that taemin told him until he reached the small, empty patch smack dab in the middle of the growing plants. it was a dead piece of land, and no matter how hard mr. lee tried, plants just wouldn’t grow in it.

taemin was already there, lying down, arm over his eyes. jimin sat upside down, lying down so that his head and taemin’s would be aligned but their bodies stretched out in opposite directions. when taemin heard the shuffling, he cracked open one eye and looked at his boyfriend.

they laid down in silence for over an hour. it was calm, and the weather was just right, and they felt free from any constraint, so they just sat in silence.

“happy birthday.” taemin said after a while, his hand reaching out to trace down jimin’s jaw.

“thank you.” jimin smiled at him, and the mood was mellow and serene.

“kibum and the boys are leaving to daegu tomorrow,” taemin stated, and jimin hummed. “they have two extra tickets.”

“yeah?”

“the train leaves at 9am.”

“sunday service starts at 8.”

“i’ll pick you up at 7:50.”

“i’ll be waiting.”

•

•

•

FIN

* The whole thing started when I saw this picture of 2min at Music Bank. hehe.

**Author's Note:**

> • announcement: there was a particular abrupt ending to this, but i got some comments that advised me against it, so i took it out, and left the story at the open ending i was initially intending. (The sequel, if it ever sees the light of day, will be based around their lives after Daegu.)  
> • the village where they are from is the village in which "Nunbal: A Stray Goat" the movie starring Got7's Park Jinyoung was based in  
> • I'm back, baby! Making a comeback with BTS and SHINee because why not.  
> • Taehyung and Yoongi from the Love Yourself era (HAVE YOU SEEN THE TEASERS WOW)  
> • I know that the smut was when Jimin was still underage, but his virginity (according to the norms) was still intact, and taemin had his consent. so, yeah. that.  
> • the beginning note was huge and i have nothing else to say here. oh, well.  
> • SUPPORT ALL UPCOMING COMEBACKS! BTS, GOT7, DAY6, SEVENTEEN, AND OTHERS BECAUSE EVERYONE IS COMING BACK AT SOME POINT! WOOP!
> 
> • I might or might not be considering a sequel. I'll see how it goes.


End file.
